Let the countdown begin

I'm down to counting weeks now. Not many left. As time draws closer I'm filled with anticipation, excitement and fear. None of which I could ever begin to describe, they are all too intense. I've been so tired lately that I haven't had the energy to do very much. I hardly ever write anymore, and taking care of the apartment in an enormous task (what with my big belly and all). But it's coming together. His little bed is on it's way along with a myriad of additional baby accoutrement, all of which will be completely foreign. I just have to keep reminding myself that instinct will kick in and I'll know how to be a mother. I suppose it already has. I can't wait to hold and care for my little man. I think about it constantly. Every time he moves inside me I imagine what it would feel like in my arms. How his tiny feet will react when I touch them and his little fingers will curl and grasp onto mine. Already the moments we share seem so tender and filled with love. I sound like such a sap. Blame it on the hormones, I guess. I'm not sure when I'm going to stop working, but I'm thinking soon. I'm worried I'll be at work when I go into labor. Wouldn't that be classic. I can make it just a few more weeks...I hope.

Now I'm exhausted again. I'm headed to bed.

Love to all my family and friends.

Rest for the weary

Saturday, I got to work, had a big breakfast and began to prepare for the day. I was feeling a bit off, but chalked it up to getting up early and rushing to work. After a few hours I realized I was having dizzy spells. They started to get worse until I couldn't even stand up without feeling like I would fall over. My vision was blurred as well. I called my doctor and she told me to get straight to the hospital. Ty came to my rescue and helped me get there. I was on monitors for a few hours and the doctor's ran a bunch of tests to check my vitals and check the baby as well. Everything came back fine and the baby was active and going strong. I, on the other hand, was diagnosed with severe fatigue and low fluids. I'll always remember the nurse's reaction when I told her I work 50 hours a week. She immediately snapped a look at me and said, "Not anymore, you don't". Hopefully, my work will be understanding and realize I am pregnant and I am going to have a baby in 7-10 weeks. I'm in the final stretch here and I'm really beginning to feel the weight of this process. I was put on bed rest for a few days and that's where I've been. It's not as easy as it sounds. I'm really struggling to not do more than I'm able. All I ever do is go, go, go. That's what I'm used to, but I'm beginning to realize that unless I start to slow down, my body will do it for me. So, I'm resting and trying not to focus on all the things I could be doing. I just have to remember that I'm doing it for my little guy and he needs me to take it easy.

Baby is very active and already has a personality. He's a mover and he's getting so strong. Every kick becomes more and more pronounced. He reacts to sounds and movements and gets a little fiesty. I can't wait to see him. He already makes me laugh, and not just because his little feet are always kicking on my tickle spots. You can push on his feet and he'll push back. It's amazing how much you can love a little person you've never even seen.

He's gonna be a momma's boy.

Identity Lost

One day after Christmas and my wallet has mysteriously disappeared. I had it in the morning when I went to work and when I tried to get on the subway to go home...it was gone. Stolen? Lost? I have no idea. My guess is it was stolen somewhere at Hard Rock. I can't see how anyone could have taken from my bag on the walk to the subway. Unless they have some kind of stealth mutant power and could run past me undetected, rummage through my bag to locate said wallet and then zip away at the speed of light. In any case, it's gone along with my identity, and I mean ALL of my identity. This truly sucks balls. That's really all I can say about it. I now have to close everything and replace everything. Fantastic! I love it!



Hey, at least it gave me something to write about on myspace. My life would otherwise just be hum drum and monotonous. Well except for the little life that's constantly changing inside me, that's definitely different every day. A new smell that bothers me. A new pain in my hip or leg. A new food that gives me major indigestion. Good thing it's all counterbalanced with a new little kick or movement A new little reaction to sound. A new realization of when he's asleep and when he's awake. A new way to love him more when I discover singing to him calms him down.



Who cares about my wallet.

Always get a seat on the train

I'm so busy these days I barely have enough time to breathe. I'm sure that comes with the season, and the job. But I'm making it through. I'm also growing. Yep, no hiding the fact now. I'm definitely pregnant and I definitely have a bump. It's obvious enough that everytime I get on the train...I get a seat. We almost every time. I think sometimes people aren't sure and then they pretend like they didn't see. It's pretty funny. I'm sure they feel like total assholes when the person next to them offers their seat. Just a little perk.

I don't even remember the last time I took the time to write. And, I think this is the first time I've written about being pregnant. There are times when I still have to let it sink in, but most of the time I'm pretty excited. I feel him move now...yes, it is a him...and he loves to wiggle around and kick. I'm a Momma. How crazy is that!

It's amazing how all my priorities have changed. At least for the time being. Yes, there are times when I still wonder what I would be doing if I wasn't pregnant, but they just don't seem that important right now. In fact, I didn't even feel that bad when I was offered the chance to be in a Theatreworks production of "If you give a Mouse a Cookie" (even though I have been auditioning for them for the last three years). Nice timing, huh. I think I've been cast in the best role of all and I can't wait to see my little guy.

I'm not getting any time off for the holidays, but I am planning on going to Salt Lake to visit the fam the first week of January. I can't wait! They haven't seen my belly yet, or my brown hair...yeah for the time being no more bleach...but I love it and it looks great. That's the last possible week I'll be able to fly until after I have the baby. Then we'll have to see.

Now, my bed is calling, but I'll try to keep everyone updated from now on.

Time for Reflection

Unconnected and out of touch. I've been without an internet connection and cable for the past week. Just me and an empty apartment. I guess I'm not completely alone though. And that is the one thing that is getting me through.

Right now I'm sitting at work, trying to stay hidden so I don't get bothered by all the employees. Not an easy task.

I'm trying not to let myself get lonely, but without warning the feelings start to creep in. I find myself lying in bed with a blank stare and nothing but my thoughts racing around the room.

Change.

It's amazing how quickly life can take a sharp turn and all you can do is hold on for the ride. So here I am, holding on for dear life, and watching the signs pass...curves ahead...boy, do I ever feel that one.

Fear.

I don't know if I can even begin to touch on that subject today. Especially here at work. But it's there, always, in the back of my mind.

So many things I want to say...

Do Flu shots really help?

Or, do they just make you sick?

Fire in the Hole

After finishing my trainer meeting at the HRC I walked out of the function room to find smoke, the rest of the managers, and firemen. Yep, there was a fire at the rock today. We had to evacuate the building, all the guests, the cooks...everyone. Six fire trucks in Times Square and a bunch of cold employees on the street. It's amazing how calm I can stay in these situations. I just politely asked everyone to leave and escorted them out. No worries. Once we were all out on the street, there was really no use for sticking around. The FDNY had taken over completely. Ally, Graziella and I walked over to Starbucks where is was safe, we could get a tasty treat and watch from a distance. The fire was in the walls and was probably started by a cigarette being thrown into a crack from the outside. The insulation was burning inside and I'm sure it wasn't good to breathe in. When they finally re-opened the building there were piles of burnt insulation and well, I didn't really feel like inhaling any of that in. I'm so consious of my health now. So, I went home. What a weird day. What a weird week.