Today marked the last day of work for me until December 4th. Well aren't I the lucky one. Good thing too, after today's schedule I truly wanted to die. I had to be to work at 4:00 am, which meant I had to get up at 2:30 to leave by 3:00. You'd think I would have tried to go to bed at a decent hour. Alas, I tried, but it is next to impossible to try and sleep when you're not tired. So, I tossed and turned in my bed until 1:45. That was the last time I actually looked at the clock. Not sure if I even really got any sleep. If I did, it was about a half an hour. Then off to work to feed and entertain 300 teenagers. Yippee! Plus point - I was done with work and home before I usually have to leave to get there.
I AM SO ALONE! I think what really made it sink in was when I went shopping a couple of days ago and I bought all my sad little meals. I planned for a week and the total came to $28. Pathetic. My friends have all abandoned me too and I'm just tired of being the one to call. So, alone time it is. I only have to worry about it for a few more days. Next Tuesday I'm headed back to Arizona, then San Diego for the wedding and last (but certainly not least) Mexico for a 2 week cruise.
In the meantime I have a few more adventures to be had and I'm going to try and enjoy my freedom despite my lonliness and boredom.
Thank you to everyone who sent me song ideas. They were very helpful and I'm not worried anymore...mostly because I'm beyond caring at this point. You know, I'll sing whatever I want and they'll just have to be happy with whatever I choose.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Monday, November 7, 2005
In my head
In my life I have dreamed a thousand dreams of you
In my life somehow I believed, somehow I knew
In my life you would walk into it unexpectedly
In my life I knew you were meant for me
In my life I am lucky that I had the chance to find you,
To not have missed the dance
In my life one thing that I've always known was true
In my life there would be you
Take a chance, can it come this fast, can it be real?
For so long love was just the thing that others feel
In the night all the dreams I wish by day become undone
In my life can it be that you're the one
In my life I am lucky that I had the chance to find you
To not have missed the dance
In my life one thing that I've always known was true
In my life there would be you
In my life I am lucky that I had the chance to find you
To not have missed the dance
In my life one thing that I've always known was true
In my life there would be you
In my life there would be you
In my life somehow I believed, somehow I knew
In my life you would walk into it unexpectedly
In my life I knew you were meant for me
In my life I am lucky that I had the chance to find you,
To not have missed the dance
In my life one thing that I've always known was true
In my life there would be you
Take a chance, can it come this fast, can it be real?
For so long love was just the thing that others feel
In the night all the dreams I wish by day become undone
In my life can it be that you're the one
In my life I am lucky that I had the chance to find you
To not have missed the dance
In my life one thing that I've always known was true
In my life there would be you
In my life I am lucky that I had the chance to find you
To not have missed the dance
In my life one thing that I've always known was true
In my life there would be you
In my life there would be you
Sunday, November 6, 2005
Aimee
I hurried to pack my bag as quickly as I could. I remembered everything: my toothbrush, nightgown, underwear and clothes for the next day and I couldn't forget a Barbie or My Little Pony (the newest one that I wanted to show off). Of course nothing would compare to the collection Aimee had, but none of that mattered. It was a brief escape from my life on Yale Avenue and all I wanted to do was play. My bag was always packed in secret, hidden in the car or disguised as a backpack filled with homework. Looking back, I'm sure my parents always knew but I appreciate them humoring a young girl with secret plans of grand adventures. Anytime I heard we would be making the drive to Provo, UT to visit my cousins this was the ritual. You see, Aimee and I were kindred spirits. We came into this word exactly five days apart. Her Mom was leaving the hospital just when mine was getting there. I didn't seem to matter that we seldom saw each other. When we were together we were the best of friends.
I drive was only around 45 minutes long, but to me it always seemed like an eternity. The car would pull up into the driveway and I would rush through the garage entrance to find my friend. Since every event at my cousin's house was a big family event there were always lots of kids rushing around the yard and through the house. The yard sat on a tall hill and was tiered with several levels. On each level we all seemed to find more and more adventures. The house was enormous, with so many hallways and bedrooms. I always seemed to get lost. There was a large playroom in the basement that seemed to be the central meeting spot for all of us. This was the pinnacle of all playrooms decked out with all the latest Atari video games, and you can be sure the air hockey table was always the biggest draw. I shared my time with all the other cousins and friends and quietly plotted my scheme. I had to wait for just the right time when my parents and my aunt and uncle were all together and we were just about to leave. Then I would hit them up with, "Since I never really get to see Aimee, would it be okay if maybe we have a sleepover sometime? Like...maybe tonight? You could maybe just come back and get me tomorrow?" This was always followed with, "but, what will you sleep in?" and "you don't have any of your...". Before they could even finish the sentence I was out to the car in a flash and back with my carefully packed little blue overnight suitcase.
I don't even remember how many times I pulled this little stunt. But it always worked and I always got to stay.
After everyone had left, including my family, it was just me and Aimee. We would have wonderful adventures. We played in her bedroom that reminded me of a fairy princess wonderland and she always took me to her own special play room. Her play room was like nothing I could have ever imagined. She had toys I never dreamed of having. So many things it seemed to me they were stacked to the ceiling and we had to dig sometimes to find what we were looking for. We always did special things like make no-bake cookies and roll them into letters or animals or unidentifiable blobs and then laugh hysterically.
I cherished these moments. Everything we did together was fun. That's how I thought of Aimee. Even as we grew older and we stopped having sleep over parties, I still regarded her as the one person in my life that really showed me how to play and have fun. I keep a special place in my heart for her, always.
Yesterday, I found out that Aimee is very sick. In fact she's dying, suffering from an eating disorder that has plagued her life since high school. Despite all the advice she receives from doctors and counselors she continues to damage her body. Due to the lack of necessary nutrients, her white blood cell count is progressively deteriorating. She will undergo treatments, similar to those cancer patients receive in hopes that her body will heal itself enough to slow the process, but it's not expected to happen. Eventually, her organs will fail and her body will shut down.
I haven't seen Aimee for years now and I don't know if she even remembers my visits the same way. But, I do love her and right now I would do anything to see her with that same vibrant glow that is permanently burned into my memory.
I love you Aimee and with all my faith you are in my prayers.
With Love,
Your Cousin Rochelle
I drive was only around 45 minutes long, but to me it always seemed like an eternity. The car would pull up into the driveway and I would rush through the garage entrance to find my friend. Since every event at my cousin's house was a big family event there were always lots of kids rushing around the yard and through the house. The yard sat on a tall hill and was tiered with several levels. On each level we all seemed to find more and more adventures. The house was enormous, with so many hallways and bedrooms. I always seemed to get lost. There was a large playroom in the basement that seemed to be the central meeting spot for all of us. This was the pinnacle of all playrooms decked out with all the latest Atari video games, and you can be sure the air hockey table was always the biggest draw. I shared my time with all the other cousins and friends and quietly plotted my scheme. I had to wait for just the right time when my parents and my aunt and uncle were all together and we were just about to leave. Then I would hit them up with, "Since I never really get to see Aimee, would it be okay if maybe we have a sleepover sometime? Like...maybe tonight? You could maybe just come back and get me tomorrow?" This was always followed with, "but, what will you sleep in?" and "you don't have any of your...". Before they could even finish the sentence I was out to the car in a flash and back with my carefully packed little blue overnight suitcase.
I don't even remember how many times I pulled this little stunt. But it always worked and I always got to stay.
After everyone had left, including my family, it was just me and Aimee. We would have wonderful adventures. We played in her bedroom that reminded me of a fairy princess wonderland and she always took me to her own special play room. Her play room was like nothing I could have ever imagined. She had toys I never dreamed of having. So many things it seemed to me they were stacked to the ceiling and we had to dig sometimes to find what we were looking for. We always did special things like make no-bake cookies and roll them into letters or animals or unidentifiable blobs and then laugh hysterically.
I cherished these moments. Everything we did together was fun. That's how I thought of Aimee. Even as we grew older and we stopped having sleep over parties, I still regarded her as the one person in my life that really showed me how to play and have fun. I keep a special place in my heart for her, always.
Yesterday, I found out that Aimee is very sick. In fact she's dying, suffering from an eating disorder that has plagued her life since high school. Despite all the advice she receives from doctors and counselors she continues to damage her body. Due to the lack of necessary nutrients, her white blood cell count is progressively deteriorating. She will undergo treatments, similar to those cancer patients receive in hopes that her body will heal itself enough to slow the process, but it's not expected to happen. Eventually, her organs will fail and her body will shut down.
I haven't seen Aimee for years now and I don't know if she even remembers my visits the same way. But, I do love her and right now I would do anything to see her with that same vibrant glow that is permanently burned into my memory.
I love you Aimee and with all my faith you are in my prayers.
With Love,
Your Cousin Rochelle
Friday, November 4, 2005
Frisky...grrr
"In my next life
I'd like to be the tattoo on your shoulder,
the one you don't regret
when you get older."
I'd like to be the tattoo on your shoulder,
the one you don't regret
when you get older."
Thursday, November 3, 2005
The Lark is silenced once more
Bluish gray light passes through my windows allowing me to focus on my surroundings. I am once again caged in my NYC apartment. Silenced and unable to find my bearings I stumble to my feet. The air is cold and I wrap a sweater around me which doesn't much help. My sleep was restless last night, tossing and turning with a chasm of thoughts racing through my head, every noise startling me to an upright position. I pull the linens tightly around me sure that cotton and feathers will be the only protection I need. For hours there is nothing but silence and I eventually drift to sleep, lulled gently by the beating of my own heart.
Awake from my troubled sleep, I wander down the hall and past the kitchen cautiously as to not to disturb anyone, but of course there's no one there and I find myself completely alone. I long to hear a voice I recognize, but the hour is too early and all I can do is sit silently. Thoughts resonate louder than the traffic outside or the hissing of the radiator, "Please rescue me."
Awake from my troubled sleep, I wander down the hall and past the kitchen cautiously as to not to disturb anyone, but of course there's no one there and I find myself completely alone. I long to hear a voice I recognize, but the hour is too early and all I can do is sit silently. Thoughts resonate louder than the traffic outside or the hissing of the radiator, "Please rescue me."
Wednesday, November 2, 2005
Flying back to the 212
All decked out with my new fall wardrobe I'm ready for whatever NYC can dish out. Besides, I only have to be there for a week and a half before I leave for two weeks on a cruise to Mexico. Rough life, I know...you're jealous.
I'll write more when I'm home.
I'll write more when I'm home.
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