As with every good thing, this too would fade. Isn't that what you say all the time. It's only a matter of time. It's inevitable. I should have known, or seen or reacted sooner, but sometimes it's difficult to see the things right in front of your face. Maybe it's easier to accept things when you're staring 17 lbs. of pure love in the face. But, how many times will I be expected to forgive and forget. I have very little left to give and what little I have is reserved for the one person who I hold completely helpless in my arms. I can't forgive. Not today. And even if I could, wouldn't I have to repeat the process again tomorrow. I need more time than that to heal.
I don't doubt your capacity to love. I've witnessed this first hand. I do, however, doubt your capacity to love me. I mean the kind of love you are willing to sacrifice everything for. The kind of love that will stop you dead in your tracks. The kind of love you would protect with every fiber of your being. That's how I love. Shouldn't I therefore expect the same.
I'm tired.
My heart, marblized with scar tissue, needs to rest now. Even as I write these words I find myself drifting with an overwhelming need to curl up and close my eyes.
I need to hold Brody. I need my baby.
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