The sun and heat have arrived. Just like that, the weather is warm. It's been so rainy and cold here I thought spring would never happen.
It's my day off today and I am doing my favorite warm weather activity...absolutely nothing. I went to breakfast this morning, yummy french toast, eggs and bacon. Holla for challah. Okay, that was dumb. It's so beautiful today that I couldn't stay inside. I went for a long walk around my neighborhood and to a park by my apartment. You can sit there forever just people watching. A group of little old men are always there playing chess and I was observing them. It makes me wonder what I'll be doing when I'm that old. Hopefully I'll have a hobby or past-time that gets me out of the house. While I was watching them, the strangest thing happened. Somebody, don't know if it was male or female, ran past in a ninja suit. Yep, NINJA, stealth. It was so bizarre and I had to call my friend April right away and tell her...I took it as a sign.
It was one year ago today that I graduated from AMDA. I've been reflecting on that year. It's gone by so quickly it seems like a blur. So much has happened and I can't believe how I've transitioned since then. I've made steps to fulfilling my dreams and a couple of them have become realities. I've made some lifelong friends that I will always keep in my heart. I've experienced everything I could. I've worked, practiced, grown, fallen, picked myself up, cried, laughed, loved, created, imagined, pursued, and the list goes on. With all these experiences I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed. Thankfully, there are so many people in my life that keep me strong and pick me up when I need it. I love all of you.
I had a very long talk with my Mom. It started out as usual with the niceties of my life, work, auditions, home. And then before I could even control my thoughts and words I felt an uncontollable need for my family. I skipped all the bullshit "Life is good, and we're fine" and told her exactly how I felt. Things aren't always good and I've had the hardest years of my life living in NYC. I opened my heart to her and words spilled from my core. Together we cried, she listened and understood and said "I didn't know". Then my Dad took the phone and I have never been more comforted by the sound of anyone's voice. He was so gentle with his words and I have never missed my family more.
"I love you Dad"
"I love you too"
"I miss you"
"I miss you too"
"I need you"
And then my big strong Dad couldn't choke out a reply. I guess after being independent for 10 years you forget how much you need each other. We talked about Granny and Gramps and Grandma and Grandpa and the influence they had on our lives and how much I want to emulate all of them.
I felt so much peace and I know now that I need to find out what makes me happy and never lose sight of my goals. My family will always be there for me no matter what.
Well this turned out much more serious than it began, but I'm just a rollercoaster of emotions right now. So, I'm going to bring it back up. I've been watching the first season of Scrubs on DVD. I can't even describe how funny and imaginative each episode is. If you ever need a good laugh or a pick-me-up I suggest watching Scrubs. In fact, that's what I'm going to do right now.
Thank you to everone who has been putting up with me lately. I love you and appreciate everything you do for me.
Peace.
~Ro
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