Do I Rise and Shine Forth?

Am I a light? Does my countenance affect others for good? Am I an inspiration? If not, then why? Why can't I be a light?

These are the questions that have plagued my mind lately. I'm feeling a bit insignificant. I really want to make a difference. I want my life to matter.

Damn, this city can mess you up.

I'm getting out of the habit of writing on a regular basis and I'm sure that's why I've been having trouble sleeping. Instead of getting all my thoughts out, they are stuck, swimming around in my head. This is my attempt to clear it all out.

My big audition went very well. I got a couple call backs. One for that night and another on April 25th. I'm still healing from the blisters on my feet from the dance portion of the audition, but it was worth it. Now I have to wait and see, and the wait is excrutiating.

Meanwhile, I'm still doing my new job, which is going quite well. It was a natural transition for me to become a supervisor and I feel as though all my peers have been very receptive to the change. I do miss commiserating with my friends about the perils of being a server, but I certainly do not miss being a server. Nothing was more degrating to me, no matter what I did to convince myself otherwise. So, I feel good about my decision.

I'm still planning on auditioning because there really isn't anything that will stop me from performing. I just have to do it. I've been toying with the idea of putting together my own cabaret show, or a show with a couple other people. I mean...why not. If I'm just at the mercy of some casting director, why not be my own casting director.

I'm always running out of time lately. I feel like I just don't have enough of it to get things done. Part of that may be my job, and the fact that when I'm not at work, I'm a bit tired because of it. I now appreciate more than ever the extra day I used to have off. I'm also really busy with my church youth group. They meet twice a week (Sunday and Wednesday) and I'm realizing what a commitment it has become. I don't want to let them down though. I really feel needed and I do have a good time with them, but I have so little time to do things for myself. I hope I don't sound too selfish.

I'll keep everyone posted on my call backs. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I'm not getting my hopes up too much. I'm realistic when it comes to auditions, because I know most of it is just being in the right place at the right time and that's just luck.

So, I'll put on my lucky socks and my superman knickers and hope for the best

Do I rise and shine forth?

Am I a light? Does my countenance affect others for good? Am I an inspiration? If not, then why? Why can't I be a light?

These are the questions that have plagued my mind lately. I'm feeling a bit insignificant. I really want to make a difference. I want my life to matter.

Damn, this city can mess you up.

I'm getting out of the habit of writing on a regular basis and I'm sure that's why I've been having trouble sleeping. Instead of getting all my thoughts out, they are stuck, swimming around in my head. This is my attempt to clear it all out.

My big audition went very well. I got a couple call backs. One for that night and another on April 25th. I'm still healing from the blisters on my feet from the dance portion of the audition, but it was worth it. Now I have to wait and see, and the wait is excrutiating.

Meanwhile, I'm still doing my new job, which is going quite well. It was a natural transition for me to become a supervisor and I feel as though all my peers have been very receptive to the change. I do miss commiserating with my friends about the perils of being a server, but I certainly do not miss being a server. Nothing was more degrating to me, no matter what I did to convince myself otherwise. So, I feel good about my decision.

I'm still planning on auditioning because there really isn't anything that will stop me from performing. I just have to do it. I've been toying with the idea of putting together my own cabaret show, or a show with a couple other people. I mean...why not. If I'm just at the mercy of some casting director, why not be my own casting director.

I'm always running out of time lately. I feel like I just don't have enough of it to get things done. Part of that may be my job, and the fact that when I'm not at work, I'm a bit tired because of it. I now appreciate more than ever the extra day I used to have off. I'm also really busy with my church youth group. They meet twice a week (Sunday and Wednesday) and I'm realizing what a commitment it has become. I don't want to let them down though. I really feel needed and I do have a good time with them, but I have so little time to do things for myself. I hope I don't sound too selfish.

I'll keep everyone posted on my call backs. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I'm not getting my hopes up too much. I'm realistic when it comes to auditions, because I know most of it is just being in the right place at the right time and that's just luck.

So, I'll put on my lucky socks and my superman knickers and hope for the best.

You got Moxie Kid

Wow, so many things to tell.

I started a new job at Hard Rock as an MIO (manager in orientation). It's only been a few days and I'm still getting used to the change. I have all these mixed emotions about it, happy, sad, apprehensive...and the list goes on. I feel like I'm getting mixed receptions from my peers. For the most part, people are receptive to the change, but I'm not an idiot and I can sense when people are smiling at me and talking shit behind my back. Hello, I was a server there just a few days ago! I know what goes on behind the scenes.

I have the day off today and I'm so happy to get out of there and just think about everything. I have an audition tomorrow that I'm preparing for today. It's a HUGE audition for a hundred theatres or so, nation wide, and I'm pretty determined to catch the eye of at least one casting director. I have exactly ninety seconds to accompish that feat. Right song, right monologue, right outfit, right girl...how can I go wrong.

I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts lately. I have too many of them floating around and I don't really know where to start. I can't sleep at night because my head is racing hundreds of miles an hour and it often seems as if there is no end in sight. Eventually I drift off, but it's only for an hour or so and I'm up again, trying to get comfortable and thinking again. Why is it that now I'm faced with all these decisions to make, does it ever end? I've been a wife for over eight years and that's the only thing that I know for certain. Everything else seems so up in the air.

Now I find myself just rambling, so I'll end this for now and try again later.

Time to sing.

yo Oedipus, this Thebes party is so crunk

I have been going non stop since I woke up this morning. My day started with early morning church. I had to sing right at the beginning, so I couldn't be late. After church I got home, changed my clothes and just when I was about to lay down for a little nap, my cell phone rang. My friend April had an extra ticket to see a hip hop musical version of the Seven of Thebes, a greek tragedy about Oedipus and the curse on his two sons. It was an absolutely fantastic production. The whole show was in rhyming verse and was updated with an urban idiom. There were various styles of R&B, funk, blues and do-wop interwoven throughout the show. Very entertaining and creative.

After the show, April and I met up with her boy Cliff, who I happen to work with, and we ate a little dinner and chilled a bit while we watched a spanish subtitled movie.

Now I am home and organizing my auditions for the next couple of weeks.

Tyler comes home this week and I can't wait to see him! Love you.

So many changes for us this week.

illuminate the lights on your vacancy sign

Every morning the same. I wake up and there is nobody there beside me.

Come home.







Although it's my day off work, I'll still be busy skeepboppin' around the city. I borrowed that word from a friend, I thought it was funny. It's my mass mailing day and I'm determined to catch the attention of a theatre one way or another. I'm so tired of following instructions on 'the process' of auditioning. I don't really think that's how anyone will get noticed. It's all a matter of standing out and being an individual. That's exactly what I plan to do. What could it possibly hurt. They can either say, "this girl is crazy...no, or this girl is crazy...we must have her". I have nothing to lose.

I'm off to Costco, Target and Walmart (my Long Island adventure day) with my friend Minna.

The Horizon is not far away

close enough to touch

Alone again and nobody to vent to

Let me set the scene:

It's 11:00 am, Hard Rock has just opened, the lights are dim and "What a Wonderful World" is playing over the restaurant wide system. My first table sits down to order. I'm pretty excited because it's a party of 8 (auto-grat baby).

Redheaded lady with chop chop bangs and a big fat ass says, "Can you turn the music down. I can't even hear myself think. This is ridiculous."

I stare back at her for a second in disbelief and reply with the first thing that pops in my head, "This isn't the Easy Listening Cafe, I'm sorry, we can't turn the music down."

She rolls her eyes and makes a little "phsss" noise. She contined to give me the stink eye for the entire hour and a half she was eating. I just killed her with kindness and I bet that just pissed her off even more.

This must have been a trend today because when I talked to my co-workers they were having similar problems with all of their tables. However, there was one situation that really put me over the edge today. A nasty bitch with blatent disreguard for humanity. She was just so rude to my friend Angela and completely disrespectful. Poor Angela was trying hard to keep her cool and this lady was pushing every button. The last straw was when the nasty bitch moved her empty beer bottle from the table to the floor right in front of Angela and told her she needed to get rid of it. Angela just ignored her and kept working. Bitchwoman kept stopping Angela to tell her that the bottle was still on the floor. I don't know how Angie could keep from punching her in the face. When everyone had left, this lady stayed behind to pay the bill and told Angela that she didn't do her job because she didn't pick up the bottle off the floor. Poor Angie was in tears as the lady tried to find a manager. I'm so glad that our managers stood behind her and sent the lady away. I still wish that I would have said something about the whole situation. What was she trying to prove, that we are lower life forms and should crawl on the ground and kiss her feet. This just solidifies for me the fact that I MUST make a change in my employment. That kind of attitude happens all to often and I'm so sick of it. Most of us are college graduates or in school right now. We are intelligent, professional and for the majority this is a second job while we pursue other careers.

Okay, it's out. Now I don't have this awful pit in my stomach.

I'm taking it easy again tonight. I'm actually loving the alone time. i admit I am a bit bored and lonely, but it's nice to just be able to think with no interruptions.