Do I rise and shine forth?

Am I a light? Does my countenance affect others for good? Am I an inspiration? If not, then why? Why can't I be a light?

These are the questions that have plagued my mind lately. I'm feeling a bit insignificant. I really want to make a difference. I want my life to matter.

Damn, this city can mess you up.

I'm getting out of the habit of writing on a regular basis and I'm sure that's why I've been having trouble sleeping. Instead of getting all my thoughts out, they are stuck, swimming around in my head. This is my attempt to clear it all out.

My big audition went very well. I got a couple call backs. One for that night and another on April 25th. I'm still healing from the blisters on my feet from the dance portion of the audition, but it was worth it. Now I have to wait and see, and the wait is excrutiating.

Meanwhile, I'm still doing my new job, which is going quite well. It was a natural transition for me to become a supervisor and I feel as though all my peers have been very receptive to the change. I do miss commiserating with my friends about the perils of being a server, but I certainly do not miss being a server. Nothing was more degrating to me, no matter what I did to convince myself otherwise. So, I feel good about my decision.

I'm still planning on auditioning because there really isn't anything that will stop me from performing. I just have to do it. I've been toying with the idea of putting together my own cabaret show, or a show with a couple other people. I mean...why not. If I'm just at the mercy of some casting director, why not be my own casting director.

I'm always running out of time lately. I feel like I just don't have enough of it to get things done. Part of that may be my job, and the fact that when I'm not at work, I'm a bit tired because of it. I now appreciate more than ever the extra day I used to have off. I'm also really busy with my church youth group. They meet twice a week (Sunday and Wednesday) and I'm realizing what a commitment it has become. I don't want to let them down though. I really feel needed and I do have a good time with them, but I have so little time to do things for myself. I hope I don't sound too selfish.

I'll keep everyone posted on my call backs. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but I'm not getting my hopes up too much. I'm realistic when it comes to auditions, because I know most of it is just being in the right place at the right time and that's just luck.

So, I'll put on my lucky socks and my superman knickers and hope for the best.