What I should be doing:
- Filling out my application for a work scholarship at New Dance Group
- Organizing the apartment
- Washing dishes
- Finishing alterations on co-worker's uniforms to make extra cash
- Laundry
- Inventing something completely unnecesary but totally cool that everyone will want to buy
What I am doing:
- Watching On Demand episodes of Sex and the City
WHERE'S MY MOTIVATION!!!
Am I depressed? Is this what that feels like? Or, am I just a procrastinator? I've never been this unmotivated. In fact, I've always been an overachiever, always one step ahead.
Is it this city, this life? Would I be happy living in a place where I could find a job I could stand, pay off my bills, buy a house and become a mother with a comfortable clean home? I don't know. I remember being on a similar path and I wanted more. I was driven and ended up here to 'make it'. Whatever that means. Well, success is measured in many different ways. Somehow, I don't feel that conquering NYC will be the measure of my success. There's much more planned for me.
Now, I will finish that application and do the dishes. Two out of six, not a bad start.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Currently watching Snowriders...miss home
Finally, a break from the heat. I took a long walk today and it wasn't unbearably hot. It's the first day in weeks that I've been able to leave the house without instantly melting. There was a slight breeze and the sun actually felt great on my shoulders. I found a little market and bought a skirt, that I love, for $12. Can't beat that. I was pretty lazy today and can't say that I really accomplished much, but I think it's necessary at times to just be and have absolutely no agenda or obligations. Since I've been out of the habit of blogging on a regular basis I thought I'd take some time and expatiate on the mundane and ordinary details of my life.
After my walk I came home and made a delightful little lunch, mushroom tortellini in marinara, and watched a movie, Rory O'Shea Was Here. Now I want to travel to Ireland. I want to hear all the little old ladies say fuck as a common word in their daily vocabulary...it makes me chuckle.
I cleaned a little and made the apartment feel a bit cozier. I applied for yet another forbearance on my student loans and hope they'll give me six more months to get my shit together. I paid some bills and did some laundry. I guess my day was more eventful than I thought. In all my down time and in-between time, I just daydreamed and let my mind wander. I'm actually glad I'm able to still do this. So many people lose this ability or push it aside when they enter the realm of adulthood. I never want to lose it. So, I live in a dreamworld and I'm the eternal optimist. I just see my reality with more imagination.
Instead of imagination being treated as a pejorative
think about it...
We get told all the time to stop daydreaming!
We get told all the time it's only our imagination running wild!
It's one thing to be incapable of dealing with truth and another thing to have lost your ability to imagine!
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/RochieB/blog?page=11#ixzz0vU5oYO32
After my walk I came home and made a delightful little lunch, mushroom tortellini in marinara, and watched a movie, Rory O'Shea Was Here. Now I want to travel to Ireland. I want to hear all the little old ladies say fuck as a common word in their daily vocabulary...it makes me chuckle.
I cleaned a little and made the apartment feel a bit cozier. I applied for yet another forbearance on my student loans and hope they'll give me six more months to get my shit together. I paid some bills and did some laundry. I guess my day was more eventful than I thought. In all my down time and in-between time, I just daydreamed and let my mind wander. I'm actually glad I'm able to still do this. So many people lose this ability or push it aside when they enter the realm of adulthood. I never want to lose it. So, I live in a dreamworld and I'm the eternal optimist. I just see my reality with more imagination.
Instead of imagination being treated as a pejorative
think about it...
We get told all the time to stop daydreaming!
We get told all the time it's only our imagination running wild!
It's one thing to be incapable of dealing with truth and another thing to have lost your ability to imagine!
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/RochieB/blog?page=11#ixzz0vU5oYO32
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Let the job hunt begin
I've decided I can no longer stay at Hard Rock. It's all too corporate for me now, I'm not making any money and it's proven to be an unsafe work environment what with the lockers being in a shared hallway where crazy people can come harrass you when you're done with your shift. I'm too unhappy there and it's really not worth my time and energy anymore. All of my friends have left or are leaving soon and there really isn't a reason for me to stay. Back to searching for a job. I hate starting new jobs, but I don't see any other option right now.
Today I met up with my friend Kim and vented and she gave me a bunch of encouragement. She also bought me dinner and a pair of shoes. I love my friends. I don't know what I'd do without them.
Short and sweet today. Six Feet Under is about to start and it's the last episode...yeah, can't wait.
~Ro
Today I met up with my friend Kim and vented and she gave me a bunch of encouragement. She also bought me dinner and a pair of shoes. I love my friends. I don't know what I'd do without them.
Short and sweet today. Six Feet Under is about to start and it's the last episode...yeah, can't wait.
~Ro
Friday, August 19, 2005
REJECTED!!!
Long story short.
Found out about a fabulous audition...perfect for me.
Had a good feeling...worked once before.
Practiced.
Prepared.
Woke up at 6:00am to be there at 7:00 to sign up and wait in line for the audition to open at 10:00...number 23 on the list of over 200.
Ready to perform and kick some serious ass.
Pussy-ass monitor and producer decide to type cast.
Stood in a line and was CAST OUT before I could even sing...BITCHES!!!
Their loss...I incorporated a 'spread eagle' that was sure to be a crowd pleaser.
The only positive about the experience was that I ran into some friends from tour who were not kept either and we were able to have breakfast and do a bit of catching up. I love you Jenny, Sarah and Chris.
Took out all my aggression at body conditioning class and I'm paying dearly for it. I can't move my arms and I'm a gimp going down stairs.
On my way home my friend Amanda called me all stressed. She nearly burned down her kitchen and was in a frenzie trying to prepare for her husband's surprise birthday party. Rochelle, the domestically disabled, to the rescue. I don't know what came over me. I turned that kitchen into my bitch, making little party sandwiches, english muffin pizzas, deviled eggs, slicing watermelon (with no injuries), cupcakes...a serious spread. It should have been documented because I don't think Tyler will ever see such a thing again. At least, not for a very long time. The party was a hit and I saved the day. Yea..go me!
Tomorrow is my 10 year high school reunion. I hope they all enjoy comparing how many kids they have now and when their houses will be done with contruction in Herriman. As my Granny would have said, "To each his own." Wise words and that's about all I have to say regarding that subject for now.
"I wanna drink goat's blood."
"But son, it's only Tuesday."
That's for C$ and the ShizNick.
Found out about a fabulous audition...perfect for me.
Had a good feeling...worked once before.
Practiced.
Prepared.
Woke up at 6:00am to be there at 7:00 to sign up and wait in line for the audition to open at 10:00...number 23 on the list of over 200.
Ready to perform and kick some serious ass.
Pussy-ass monitor and producer decide to type cast.
Stood in a line and was CAST OUT before I could even sing...BITCHES!!!
Their loss...I incorporated a 'spread eagle' that was sure to be a crowd pleaser.
The only positive about the experience was that I ran into some friends from tour who were not kept either and we were able to have breakfast and do a bit of catching up. I love you Jenny, Sarah and Chris.
Took out all my aggression at body conditioning class and I'm paying dearly for it. I can't move my arms and I'm a gimp going down stairs.
On my way home my friend Amanda called me all stressed. She nearly burned down her kitchen and was in a frenzie trying to prepare for her husband's surprise birthday party. Rochelle, the domestically disabled, to the rescue. I don't know what came over me. I turned that kitchen into my bitch, making little party sandwiches, english muffin pizzas, deviled eggs, slicing watermelon (with no injuries), cupcakes...a serious spread. It should have been documented because I don't think Tyler will ever see such a thing again. At least, not for a very long time. The party was a hit and I saved the day. Yea..go me!
Tomorrow is my 10 year high school reunion. I hope they all enjoy comparing how many kids they have now and when their houses will be done with contruction in Herriman. As my Granny would have said, "To each his own." Wise words and that's about all I have to say regarding that subject for now.
"I wanna drink goat's blood."
"But son, it's only Tuesday."
That's for C$ and the ShizNick.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Changes on the horizon
I think the heat here is boiling my brain cells. I have no inspiration or ability to sit down and actually put my thoughts into words. So many strange things are happening right now as well. I feel like we were all warped into an alternate universe. If things were going well for people they suddenly have turned terribly wrong and vice versa.
Despite the heat I trudged around Manhattan today and did a little shopping. I tried on a bunch of fancy cocktail dresses I would never wear or buy for that matter. To be honest I have no idea why I was doing it. I guess I just like to put on a pretty dress and then I feel pretty too, even if it is for only a few moments. I may go back and get one of them. It was several shades of blue and green, very flowy and beaded on the bodice. I can't stop thinking about it. I'll find a place to wear it.
Changes...let's talk about that. Tyler has an opportunity to advance his career and make some contacts in MLB. He'll be living in Arizona for almost a couple months starting in October scoring some games live. It's very exciting for him and he's thrilled to be out of NYC. Unfortunately for me, I'll be alone during that time. I guess I'm just getting a taste of what it was like for him. I left him for seven months while I was on tour.
If things go well for Ty in Phoenix who knows what will happen. We may be moving. That actually wouldn't be so bad. Although I love NY and I really want to keep trying for a show, I know I'd be happy in Arizona. It's close to my family and Ty's family (they have a house there) and it's near the West coast...the best coast. I'll still be able to do regional theatre and record. Either of which will fulfill the need and desire to perform. I eventually would love to teach and maybe start my own theatre school/company.
I've been evaluating my work situation. I'm not too sure about working for Hard Rock anymore. The cafe moved to Times Square and it's beautiful and new and still has a ton of problems. Only now, they're on a much bigger scale. Plus the hours are kind of a drag. I do love my new little cocktail waitress uniform, but that doesn't really make up for the fact that there is no place for me to change into it at work. There aren't enough lockers either. They put the few lockers they do have in a shared hallway in the basement with several other businesses. It's a public area and the first day when I arrived there was a drunk guy passes out lying next to the lockers. That's really safe. When I brought it up during one of our shift meetings, the managers said to come already dressed. Even more dangerous. Going to work in my little uniform and walking to the subway in the middle of the night just flashes neon lights that say RAPE ME, KILL ME and STEAL ALL MY MONEY because I'm a waitress at the HRC and I carry large amounts of cash. I'm just livid about the situation and the nonchalant attitude the managers have about our welfare and safety.
I'm done.
I'm ready for the next phase of my life.
For all my friends that are going through hard times, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers always and if there is anything I can do please let me know. I love you all.
Despite the heat I trudged around Manhattan today and did a little shopping. I tried on a bunch of fancy cocktail dresses I would never wear or buy for that matter. To be honest I have no idea why I was doing it. I guess I just like to put on a pretty dress and then I feel pretty too, even if it is for only a few moments. I may go back and get one of them. It was several shades of blue and green, very flowy and beaded on the bodice. I can't stop thinking about it. I'll find a place to wear it.
Changes...let's talk about that. Tyler has an opportunity to advance his career and make some contacts in MLB. He'll be living in Arizona for almost a couple months starting in October scoring some games live. It's very exciting for him and he's thrilled to be out of NYC. Unfortunately for me, I'll be alone during that time. I guess I'm just getting a taste of what it was like for him. I left him for seven months while I was on tour.
If things go well for Ty in Phoenix who knows what will happen. We may be moving. That actually wouldn't be so bad. Although I love NY and I really want to keep trying for a show, I know I'd be happy in Arizona. It's close to my family and Ty's family (they have a house there) and it's near the West coast...the best coast. I'll still be able to do regional theatre and record. Either of which will fulfill the need and desire to perform. I eventually would love to teach and maybe start my own theatre school/company.
I've been evaluating my work situation. I'm not too sure about working for Hard Rock anymore. The cafe moved to Times Square and it's beautiful and new and still has a ton of problems. Only now, they're on a much bigger scale. Plus the hours are kind of a drag. I do love my new little cocktail waitress uniform, but that doesn't really make up for the fact that there is no place for me to change into it at work. There aren't enough lockers either. They put the few lockers they do have in a shared hallway in the basement with several other businesses. It's a public area and the first day when I arrived there was a drunk guy passes out lying next to the lockers. That's really safe. When I brought it up during one of our shift meetings, the managers said to come already dressed. Even more dangerous. Going to work in my little uniform and walking to the subway in the middle of the night just flashes neon lights that say RAPE ME, KILL ME and STEAL ALL MY MONEY because I'm a waitress at the HRC and I carry large amounts of cash. I'm just livid about the situation and the nonchalant attitude the managers have about our welfare and safety.
I'm done.
I'm ready for the next phase of my life.
For all my friends that are going through hard times, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers always and if there is anything I can do please let me know. I love you all.
Sunday, August 7, 2005
Dream Big and Believe Impossible Things
'I can't believe that!' said Alice.
'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. 'Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.'
Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said: 'one can't believe impossible things.'
'I dare say you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as may as six impossible things before breakfast."
'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. 'Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.'
Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said: 'one can't believe impossible things.'
'I dare say you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as may as six impossible things before breakfast."
Thursday, August 4, 2005
Happy Birthday Mom
Wish I was home to tell you myself.
One more week until Hard Rock moves to Times Square. I had to come home early from today because of a migraine. I rarely get them, but when I do they kick my ass. I lose my eye sight for about an hour, then my head feels like it's going to explode or implode. Both of which are below average feelings. I get nausiated and when the headache finally passes I'm light headed for the rest of the day. I think it's my body screaming for me to relax. I've been so stressed out lately and losing hope on finding a job.
Yesterday I went to an audition that I thought would really pay off. It was for the NY Musical Theatre festival and 32 shows were being cast (or so I thought). It was quite possibly the biggest cattle call I've been to. The audition started at 10 am so I got there early at 8. Well, I was already number 110. By the time they opened the doors there were almost 400 people waiting to be seen. I wasn't even seen until 2:30 pm. It was unbelievably hot. I was drenched, tired and irritated by all the theatre freaks that were surrounding me. By the time I was able to audition I couldn't concentrate and truly didn't do my best. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!
Tomorrow I sing at an open mic night in the city. Two songs. I'm scared as hell, but excited at the same time. It's something.
Maybe I'll meet some musicians who want to start a little band. Small dream of mine that has yet to be realized.
I'm getting a little dizzy so that's all for now.
~Ro
One more week until Hard Rock moves to Times Square. I had to come home early from today because of a migraine. I rarely get them, but when I do they kick my ass. I lose my eye sight for about an hour, then my head feels like it's going to explode or implode. Both of which are below average feelings. I get nausiated and when the headache finally passes I'm light headed for the rest of the day. I think it's my body screaming for me to relax. I've been so stressed out lately and losing hope on finding a job.
Yesterday I went to an audition that I thought would really pay off. It was for the NY Musical Theatre festival and 32 shows were being cast (or so I thought). It was quite possibly the biggest cattle call I've been to. The audition started at 10 am so I got there early at 8. Well, I was already number 110. By the time they opened the doors there were almost 400 people waiting to be seen. I wasn't even seen until 2:30 pm. It was unbelievably hot. I was drenched, tired and irritated by all the theatre freaks that were surrounding me. By the time I was able to audition I couldn't concentrate and truly didn't do my best. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!
Tomorrow I sing at an open mic night in the city. Two songs. I'm scared as hell, but excited at the same time. It's something.
Maybe I'll meet some musicians who want to start a little band. Small dream of mine that has yet to be realized.
I'm getting a little dizzy so that's all for now.
~Ro
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